Halloween Jokes For Adults

Kids shouldn’t be the only ones having a good time this holiday season. Some of these Halloween jokes for adults have semi-adult content and some are just a little too complicated for kid humor.

These Halloween jokes for adults may be a little too mature for little eyes and ears. However, none of them are x-rated since they are only one click away from the Halloween jokes for kids page. Enjoy being all grown-up this season with our collection of Halloween jokes for adults only.

bananas halloween jokes for adults

2018 Halloween Jokes for Adults

Q: Why did the monster go inside the bar?
A: For the boos.

Q: What health insurance do Halloween creatures use?
A: Medi-scare.

Q: What does the devil have between his legs?
A: He has great balls of fire.

Q: Why can’t the ghost have any children?
A: He has a Halloweenie. 

Q: What happened to the cannibal who showed up late to Halloween dinner?
A: They gave him the cold shoulder.

Q: Why do Halloween ghosts moan, tremble and shiver?
A: Because of what’s happening under that sheet. 

Q: Why are male ghosts attracted to female ghosts?
A: Because of their boo-bies. 

Q: What is the witch’s favorite crime show?
A: America’s Most Haunted.

Q: What do you call it when a vampire has a serious problem in his home?
A: It’s a Grave problem.

Q: Why is the woman afraid of the vampire?
A: Because he is all bite and no bark.

Q: Why do cemeteries have walls and fences?
A: Because people are always dying to get in.

• I got so sick of trick-or-treaters on Halloween night that I finally turned off all the lights and pretended I wasn’t home.
→ 
Forget the ships! My lighthouse, my rules!

Q: Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
A: No, they like to eat the fingers separately. 

Q: Why don’t witches have babies?
A: Their husbands have crystal balls. 

• I’m not saying my son is ugly…
→ 
But on Halloween he went to tell the neighbors to turn down their TV and they gave him some candy.

Q: What is a vampire’s worst fear?
A: Tooth decay.

Q: What should you give a pumpkin who can’t quit smoking?
A: A pumpkin Patch.

Q: What happened to the man who got behind on payments to his exorcist?
A: He got repossessed.

 

Arms under car halloween joke

More Halloween Jokes for Adults

• I stopped by grandmother’s house and I’m so impressed. She had all the Halloween decorations out. Their were cobwebs and bugs in the windows along with a skeleton on the couch.
→ 
She’s 89 and always does a great job, but there was no answer when I knocked. I guess I’ll stop by again in a few months…if I have time. 

Q: Why did the team of witches lose the softball game?
A: Their bats kept flying away.

• I visited a real graveyard yesterday…
→ I logged back into Myspace.

Q: What do you call six witches in a jacuzzi?
A: A self cleaning coven.

Q: What did the parent say to the baby ghost?
A: Don’t spook until your spoken too.

Q: What is a vampire’s favorite flavor of ice cream?
A: Veinilla.

Q: What are two freshly married spiders called?
A: Newly-webbed.

Q: Why did the ghost go to the bar?
A: To get sheet faced.

Q: What is it like to be friends with a vampire?
A: It’s a pain in the neck.

Q: Why hasn’t anyone ever seen ghost poop?
A: Because it’s invisible. 

• You know it’s bad luck to be followed by a black cat… if you are a mouse.

• Demons are a ghouls best friend.

Q: Why can’t two ghosts make out?
A: They go right through each other.

Q: Where do most most werewolves live in 2018?
A: Howlywood California.

Q: What happens if you combine a vampire and a snowman?
A: You get frostbite.

Q: Where do most ghouls and goblins live in 2018?
A: In North Scarolina and South Scarolina.

Q: Why did the headless horseman start his own business?
A: To get ahead in life.

Q: What did the boy ghost ask his father?
A: Do humans really exist?

Did you enjoy our collection of Halloween jokes for adults? Be sure to check out our other Funny Halloween Jokes. We also have Ghost Jokes, Pumpkin Jokes and Skeleton Jokes for Halloween humor fans.