Kids shouldn’t be the only ones having a good time this holiday season. Some of these Halloween jokes for adults have semi-adult content and some are just a little too complicated for kid humor.
These Halloween jokes for adults may be a little too mature for little eyes and ears. However, none of them are x-rated since they are only one click away from the Halloween jokes for kids page. Enjoy being all grown-up this season with our collection of Halloween jokes for adults only.
Q: Why did the monster go inside the bar?
A: For the boos.
Q: What health insurance do Halloween creatures use?
Q: What does the devil have between his legs?
A: He has great balls of fire.
Q: Why can’t the ghost have any children?
A: He has a Halloweenie.
Q: What happened to the cannibal who showed up late to Halloween dinner?
A: They gave him the cold shoulder.
Q: Why do Halloween ghosts moan, tremble and shiver?
A: Because of what’s happening under that sheet.
Q: Why are male ghosts attracted to female ghosts?
A: Because of their boo-bies.
Q: What is the witch’s favorite crime show?
A: America’s Most Haunted.
Q: What do you call it when a vampire has a serious problem in his home?
A: It’s a Grave problem.
Q: Why is the woman afraid of the vampire?
A: Because he is all bite and no bark.
Q: Why do cemeteries have walls and fences?
A: Because people are always dying to get in.
• I got so sick of trick-or-treaters on Halloween night that I finally turned off all the lights and pretended I wasn’t home.
→ Forget the ships! My lighthouse, my rules!
Q: Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
A: No, they like to eat the fingers separately.
Q: Why don’t witches have babies?
A: Their husbands have crystal balls.
• I’m not saying my son is ugly…
→ But on Halloween he went to tell the neighbors to turn down their TV and they gave him some candy.
Q: What is a vampire’s worst fear?
A: Tooth decay.
Q: What should you give a pumpkin who can’t quit smoking?
A: A pumpkin Patch.
Q: What happened to the man who got behind on payments to his exorcist?
A: He got repossessed.
• I stopped by grandmother’s house and I’m so impressed. She had all the Halloween decorations out. Their were cobwebs and bugs in the windows along with a skeleton on the couch.
→ She’s 89 and always does a great job, but there was no answer when I knocked. I guess I’ll stop by again in a few months…if I have time.
Q: Why did the team of witches lose the softball game?
A: Their bats kept flying away.
• I visited a real graveyard yesterday…
→ I logged back into Myspace.
Q: What do you call six witches in a jacuzzi?
A: A self cleaning coven.
Q: What did the parent say to the baby ghost?
A: Don’t spook until your spoken too.
Q: What is a vampire’s favorite flavor of ice cream?
Q: What are two freshly married spiders called?
Q: Why did the ghost go to the bar?
A: To get sheet faced.
Q: What is it like to be friends with a vampire?
A: It’s a pain in the neck.
Q: Why hasn’t anyone ever seen ghost poop?
A: Because it’s invisible.
• You know it’s bad luck to be followed by a black cat… if you are a mouse.
• Demons are a ghouls best friend.
Q: Why can’t two ghosts make out?
A: They go right through each other.
Q: Where do most most werewolves live in 2018?
A: Howlywood California.
Q: What happens if you combine a vampire and a snowman?
A: You get frostbite.
Q: Where do most ghouls and goblins live in 2018?
A: In North Scarolina and South Scarolina.
Q: Why did the headless horseman start his own business?
A: To get ahead in life.
Q: What did the boy ghost ask his father?
A: Do humans really exist?
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